Need to vent

So i need to vent and im afraid of scaring off my handful of friends I got.

Nov. 2025 I got arrested for assault because my ex of baby daddy didn't like me disciplining his kids and she caved and backed him instead of me. I was under alot of stress about my transition, trying to sell the house I co-owned and lack of sleep (slept about 120 total mins for 3 days before the incident. Boss hid my arrest till March 9th when I got fired. I got the charge deferred but on probation till April 1st 2027, great day right?

Over 80 job applications and I either get ghosted or rejected. About 2 weeks ago I started doordashing because I made the account before the charge and yesterday I got notice that they suspended my account and got 10 days to appeal. I got 5-7 letters to help with that, doordash said I could submit some. Why can't people get a second chance?

I stress about saving money before so im not eating im wasting good growing years so my dysphoria is ramping up. Im falling further in to idiot depression being so harsh on my self all I want to do is give up but I can't do that on my dog, soul reason I get out of my apartment or bed. I think about ending myself but then im letting them win and I can't allow it.

I AM NOT GOING TO HARM MY SELF.

I hope anyone that reads this a great day or night depending on when they read this.