An ode to flying solo at concerts

All the time, I see people asking if they should go a concert alone and I thought I’d make a list of all the reasons I prefer to go to concerts alone. I give these as someone with a large and diverse group of friends who could go to concerts with me and a person who goes to a huge number of concerts a year, I would say somewhere between 60-100 annually for well over 25 years so I have some experience:

Arrival times: There are some shows where being on the rail is a must and I’m willing to line up early, some where I want to see the opener, some where I want to slide in as the headliner take the stage, but whatever it is, that is what I want to do. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had someone running late or show up to pick them up and they are still trying to decide what to wear, or someone not understand that door and show times are different things and I have no patience for this. Going alone ensures I get there when I want to see what I want.

Location: this is not as relevant if you have assigned seats, but unless I’m trying for the rail, I identify a spot that is good enough and that is where I’ll be. I’ve been to shows with people who believe there is some magically better spot and if we just move around enough we will find it. You will not find a better spot, this is fine, I don’t want to move again.

Social Butterflies: I love to chat up willing new people at a concert, where are you from? What are you looking forward to? etc and if I run into someone I know, great, “hey, good to see you” but I’ve also been with people who’s sole mission in going to a show is a reunion with everyone they have every known that might be at that show. You knew someone in college who liked this band, you want to see if they are here, great I’ll be in the before mentioned spot.

Experience: I love music, I want to hear music, that is why I bought this concert ticket, drove in rush hour on a Tuesday to get to this show, waited in line thru security all with the end goal of getting to some live music. What I don’t want to do as soon as the band starts is hear about something we could have discussed before this started or after. Once the lights go down, the idle chatter should stop but it’s not uncommon for people to keep talking and I can’t hear you and honestly don’t care right now. Unless you are telling me I love this song, it can wait.

Etiquette: when I go to a show, I respect other people’s personal space, I respond appropriately and enthusiastically towards the music and musicians. I firmly believe you become a rock star because you love the feeling of a crowd engaged with what you are doing and I’m here to deliver but also understand don’t be an asshat to everyone else around you. It’s awkward when you go to a show and the person you are with is just not reading the room, everyone stands once the band starts and they are telling you to sit down or they are violently thrashing/dancing about making everyone around you uncomfortable with too much touching. I’m comfortable with my behavior at a concert and don’t want someone killing my vibe or being embarrassed by someone else’s.

Exit strategy: Sometime a 2 hour set is not enough, sometimes 30 mins in I’m like I’ll wait for this one song and boogey, if you are with someone else you have to reach some kind of agreement on exit time and again, I just want to do what I want do. Also if you are with a social butterfly, you have to find and say goodbye to everyone they said hi to before you jet and nobody’s got time for that.

Possibility: This is perhaps the most important reason but also the most over looked. When you are flying solo, anything is possible. You are on your own time with your own rules and the only thing that is stopping you, is you. I’ll say that 90% of the time, I go see a band I like play music I’m into, have an enjoyable time and head home. 10% of the time something extraordinary happens. I meet an incredible new group of people with a common love of a band, it’s easier for people to approach you when they are not trying to break into a group. I meet the tour manager at the bar and end up playing dice on a bus with the band at 5am, or get invited to an after party for a more intimate performance of the same musician I just paid to see among friends. When you are untethered anything can happen, it won’t always, but it could which keeps concerts an exciting experience to me.

This is a really long rant giving you permission and maybe even encouragement. The next time a band you love us coming to town and you don’t know anyone who loves them as much or no one is available, just go, alone, enjoy yourself and see what the evening has in store. No one is going to look at you and judge thinking that person has no friends, they are all too absorbed in whatever they are doing. Buy the ticket, feel the music, have a blast!