"Despite wanting to, I just can't eat meat."

I am trying to move away from vegetarianism. I was never vegan due to financial and practical reasons, but I am 22 years old and have never eaten any kind of meat. In the beginning, it was out of habit (my family belonged to a church that didn't allow meat consumption), but during my teenage years, it became a matter of ethics and morals.

Now, I am facing many health issues: one of them is Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) and the other is hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (hEDS). I suffer from diffuse joint pain, and my only form of treatment is gaining muscle mass. However, with this intestinal issue, it has become almost impossible to eat plant-based protein sources and a variety of vegetables due to FODMAPs.

For health (chronic pain/nutrient deficiency), financial, and practical reasons, I decided that I need to eat meat. I even tried to hold on a bit longer by eating tofu, but I made it myself and my hand hurt terribly after straining the soy milk. Despite all of this, I just can't bring myself to eat meat; I feel so guilty and sad. I can't stop thinking that there is a corpse on my plate and that the animal had a life of horrible suffering. It is even harder for me because I have never viewed meat as food—I don't have the habit or any emotional memories attached to eating it. It feels completely abnormal to me.

I know it would greatly improve my quality of life, but I don't know what to do. Please, help me get through this. Nutrition-wise, I have already accepted the transition, but I feel like I lack the ethical and moral reasoning to deal with the guilt.

Sorry for any linguistic errors, I had to translate to English.

​