I think Making art is destroying me

Dramatic ik. For some context I’ve been drawing for almost if not 10years on and off it’s always been a big part of my life. Less then a year ago I started taking my art more seriously. This choice was mad as a last stich effort to preserve the parts of me I love. A few months prior I was first to move states away from home with my shitty dad without any of my stuff. And I’m a fucking nerd I had a lot of different hobbies that cost a lot of money to get into but when I moved the very few things I brought was my drawing tablet. I had a job at first then I was fired after a domestic incident with my boss/brother. To cope and fill time while applying for jobs I knew wouldn’t hire me. I started posting on tik tok a lot. And I started to see my followers increase more then I was use to. So bored and broke I throw my self into my art pages. Posting non stop multiple times a day everyday on different platforms. I thought i would burn out way sooner but I eventually hit 13k tik tok and 4.6k on ig and about 2k on twt. Trough out my posting journey my instagram would be constantly deleted and I’d make a new one without hesitation because I’m stubborn (I’m also a nsfw artist which is why ig loved deleting my pages)

I’m also black and trans and draw my characters this way and because of that I’d get hate which stuck more than the support I’d get which sucks.

Anywho ive never been the most mentally stable. I don’t take my meds the way I should because of financial stuff or just fucking forgetting. But on top of that I’ve been drinking and smoking way more than I have in the past few months. On top of dealing with body dysphoria I’ve been seeing a consistent decline in the care I’d usually put into my self. It’s like my art was my only outlet a priority for a while and I got so obsessed with numbers and endless production to keep growing I’ve lost my self. And the only moments of clarity I have is when I’m not sober.

Anyways I got the same job back working for my abusive brother and I feel like the only good part of my life is my art and I’m slowly poisoning it. Does anyone else deal with anything similar?

I don’t want to go on hiatus. And I don’t want to draw less. When I create I find a way out of the shit reality my life has turned into this past year. And I hate to admit it but I’m drowning.

I don’t care for my self the way I use to I don’t care for much the way I use to.