Green light, red light, autobahn, rainbow light?!

I’m looking for advice/suggestions…

My wife oscillates between the kinkiest woman I’ve met and prudish/sex-avoidant.

She’s crazy hot, the kind of pretty-privileged woman that instantly has every (non-jealousy consumed) woman on her side and every man ready to take her out.

She loves the thrill of being the center of attention in sex clubs, we’ve had threesomes and more (at her suggestion), but she’s afraid of hot women (whom she cums to almost instantly when we watch cheating porn). She always says that I’m too geeky and that she likes muscly guys with tattoos (like her guy best friend I’m now very certain she’s cheated on me with a few times earlier in our relationship).

She gets bored during sex because her mind wanders to past experiences or her stressful job. She says I’m not manly enough or she’d fuck me more, but lesbian porn is a great way to keep her engaged but she’s soooo picky about it and certain themes otherwise she gets turned off.

She was extremely into the idea of BBC until a Black guy molested her and now she skips past Black guys when we watch porn together but her porn history when she’s alone tells a different story.

We can go months at a time without sex until her sex dreams get too intense (and she teases me about them but rarely shares more because it sounds like I’m not usually involved).

I once shared my cuck kink to her and she got sooooo excited, she immediately threw out her muscle-tatted guy friend’s name, who I said no to for a number of reasons that she said was fair, before she suggested trying it with guys standing near us in an adjacent camp to all our friends.

We’re a late 20s couple, been together for years, live in the Midwest. How do I make my wife comfortable with her expressed desires and sexuality and keep her interest in sex.