Breaking up with a girl I like

20f. I got out of this 4 year long very abusive relationship about 7 months ago. The same day I broke up with him I was moving out of my mom’s house for the first time at 19 and going to live with my dad who didn’t really know. I was super quiet and hadn’t been out in the world since Covid because my mom basically kept me locked up. I got my first job and met a girl. Shes super pretty, like pretty to the point I figured she was wayyy out of my league, so I never really minded when she flirted with me. Then she asked me out about 6 months into our friendship. I thought I was ready for it, but I’m only just realizing now how much I am NOT ready for it.

I’m 20 years old, just got my first apartment and going to college for the first time. I was dating the same evil pedophile since I was 15. If I’m being honest I don’t want to be tied to anyone romantically right now. All I wanna do is give myself room to grow, focus on school, and party on the weekends. I don’t want to feel obligated to another person. I wanna hook up with people and not worry about connections! I wanna go to school as long as possible and make my life as best I can! It’s really hard to do that while also juggling a relationship I just thrusted myself into a month ago that I’m already feeling too vulnerable in.

My only thing is she’s very, very sweet, and I hate the idea of hurting her. I AM attracted to her and I do really like her, so I don’t want her to quit talking to me or hate me or something. The other thing is she’s moving into my apartment building in a week. Fucking crazy, I know. I guess they weren’t lying when they said lesbians move too fast. I just know it’s gonna suck and I don’t know how this moving into AND working together thing is gonna work. We’ve only been dating a month, so I’m trying to rip the bandaid off asap, but god. I just hate knowing I’m gonna hurt her, but if I stay with her any longer I know I’m gonna end up doing something stupid and hurting her anyways.

I can’t justify putting my feelings and wants on the back burner again after doing it for all those years. Moving out of my mom’s house was for ME. Breaking up with my ex was for ME. It was the first two big things I ever did where I choose MYSELF over making someone else happy. I have a terrible people pleasing problem. I don’t want to be stuck in that situation again, especially when I know I’m not ready for it.