I think i like my friend

So first of all, I’m a girl. My friend is also a girl. AHHHHHH but um, I’ve had this crush since probably the middle to beginning of the school year. I’ve been trying to delusion myself to not believing i do because my family is homophobic.

I’ve never felt anything like it toward anyone else, and it’s scary because i don’t want anything to affect our three year long friendship.

Maybe it’s hormones, but the other day at PE kinda just solidified it for me. I am attracted to her, something i don’t really understand myself.

She doesn’t treat me the best, shes not my best friend or anything, maybe it’s her style or something that makes me like her. I’ve never felt this feeling toward anyone else though. Never on any of the male crushes i had, none that compared to this.

Lately, i’ve been noticing that i act a bit… gay asf toward women. This scares me of course, because i will genuinely be disowned if my family finds out. My mother cannot even comprehend the idea or existence of same gender relationships.

I genuinely think about my friend at night time, constantly wondering, constantly dismissing myself. I really need to get over it, and i feel that it’s unhealthy that i keep dismissing my feelings and awaiting some sign that tells me that I’m not lesbian.