feel at peace

i don’t feel like i feel any hang-ups anymore and there’s a really big sense of relief washing over me. it feels really nice. if i had to pick what i feel most bad about, it would be not telling my mother that my brother raped me. she never knew that. oh well, i don’t feel like i feel any hang-ups anymore.

today my best friend was pretty mean to me. i think he’ll get a kick out of this haha. i don’t think he’ll feel bad, nor do i want him to, but it will probably be pretty funny.

everyone just takes advantage of me. you’re all a buncha rapists haha. once i kinda put that together, everything just made sense. everybody is a rapist, that’s the whole problem. you can’t fix that.

i stopped taking my vraylar and my old friends are back, swirls and shadows and little blobs and gremlins. these are my real friends. these black and purple manifestations of all my bad thinking, my guilt, my filth. they are what have always been with me and they have pushed me here. nobody who would ask me to stay is a friend haha.

i feel really good.