There's Nothing Left For Me

Everything I do feels reductive and pointless. I want solutions, now. I don't want copes or dumb excuses. The lack of a foreskin has literally caused me to go insane.

Notice how my posts are just getting shorter and shorter. I'm running out of things to say, and that's not good. I use this place to shout into a void of people who can't help. Nobody can help. Nobody cares. That's what it feels like. And any time they do they care, they get the wrong message. They think that I'm some psychopath who needs meds or some delusional but right person (real dm's, btw.) How can you get that from me? I'm just a man trying to figure it all out, just trying to survive. Because I can't live with this. It's fucking unbearable. It's actually hell. EVERYDAY IS HELL.

I see these people who say that circumcision hasn't affected them and I get happy. "Oh maybe I'm lucky, maybe I'm okay, maybe I can have sex" NO. It's a cope. I have to shut that down. It's not true, why? Because how can I compare me and them? I can't. That's the truth. My experience is my own, and their experience is their own. And my experience has been shit. It always will be shit and I wish I had something left. Something to give, to show for my circumcision. To show that I was a seuxally capable person. But I'm not now. I will never be that person.

And EVERY FUCKING TIME, someone says that they "feel" the vaginal walls of their partner or how sex feels so good now after restoration/intact I FUCKING LOSE IT. I LOSE IT!!! I SCREAM, LITERALLY. I HAVE TO STOP MYSELF FROM READING HERE BECAUSE I GO INSANE! EVERYDAY I COME HERE I SEE PAIN FOR MYSELF. THERE'S NOTHING FOR ME HERE? WHERE AM I EVEN GOING WITH THIS? JUST TYPING LIKE A MADMAN?

No, that can't be true. I would hope someone feels my rage, honestly, just one person. Not someone who's intact, or a woman, or a "restored" man. A CI-0 like me. A cut man like me. A man without a fren like me. That's why I write my posts, to hope someone gets it. I want someone to get it. I hope they do, maybe you do. That's why I write, it has to be.