My boyfriend (25M) says he loves me, but after 3 years together I (23F) don't feel like a priority. How do I know if my expectations are reasonable?

My boyfriend (25M) and I (23F) have been together for 3 years, and we've been long distance for the last 2 years.

I love him very much, but for about the past year I've been seriously considering whether this relationship is right for me, and I haven't gone through with a break up yet because I think I still harbor love for him. I think a lot of that comes from resentment that has built up over time from needs that I feel have gone unmet despite many conversations.

Some examples:

• I feel most loved when someone remembers small details about me or does thoughtful acts of service. My boyfriend is extremely forgetful and often doesn't remember things I've told him unless I mentioned them very recently.
• He once told me he wanted to learn my favorite sport and even signed up for classes, but then missed almost all of them.
• I've put a lot of effort into learning about his hobbies, sports, interests, and spending time with his family because those things matter to him. I don't feel that same effort being returned.
• He has made very little effort to get to know my family, even though my family is the most important part of my life.

One of the biggest issues is that I'm currently going through the hardest period of my life. An immediate family member has been battling a serious disease for the last two years. I don't expect my boyfriend to solve anything, but it hurts that he has made almost no effort to learn about the disease or what my family is dealing with despite knowing how much it affects me. This disease has brought upon significant financial challenges for our family, and even knowing this, he spends very freely on himself, on food delivery, games, and eating out. I know our financial challenges are not his issue, but if the roles were reversed I know I wouldn't ball out on ordering takeout every other day if my partner was donating plasma to make an extra $70.

I've always been a pretty independent person, but I thought a relationship would feel like having a partner beside me but I often feel alone. Being long distance has made this harder. I've told him many times that sharing small updates throughout the day helps me feel connected, but he often doesn't share things because he either forgets or thinks they're insignificant. I frequently feel like I'm not a priority in his life. I'm not sure if I can currently see him as a husband or father to my future children.

When I bring up these concerns, our conversations don't really go anywhere. I explain the same issues repeatedly, and his only response is usually some version of "but I do love you." Often I talk for 1 hr and he sits there for a few minutes, and says "but I do love you." He rarely tells me what he wants from me or what issues he has with the relationship. The few times he has expressed a need or concern, I've made an effort to address it immediately.

At the beginning of this year I suggested that we come up with New Year's resolutions for ourselves and for our relationship. By our next call he had completely forgotten about it. When I asked again later, he said he remembered afterward, felt bad, and then chose not to bring it up.

Even when we're together in person, which isn't often because of the distance, he spends a significant amount of the time sleeping. At this point, I'm struggling to tell whether my expectations are too high or whether this relationship simply isn't meeting my needs. I really love him, but I don't know if love alone is enough when I consistently feel unseen and unimportant. I just always feel like I love him more than he loves me, and it hurts.

TLDR: My boyfriend (25M) and I (23F) have been together for 3 years and long distance for 2. I love him, but I often feel like I'm not a priority. He forgets important things, rarely follows through on things he says he'll do, hasn't shown much interest in my family or the biggest issue in my life currently, and our conversations about these issues never seem to lead to change. I'm trying to figure out whether my expectations are too high or whether we're simply not compatible long-term.