uc is so mentally draining

i just need to complain somewhere lol. i turned 16 in the icu cuz of uc and that was basically just the start of my misery. its genuinely more mentally draining than it is physically, i failed on pred and pentasa and im being switched to biologics, i was supposed to move across the planet to san diego in the fall for uni and yesterday my doctor told me i cant leave the country for a year until we figure shit out. i got my full ride scholarship today and i have to reject it cuz i cant go, i graduate today and ive spent my whole day crying cuz im so miserable. i actually am getting awarded at the ceremony tmrw and all i can think about is how pointless working that hard was cuz genuinely nothing worked out. i had so much potential and its all gone to nothing. its either this disease takes me out or i do it myself. id say ive lost hope but you cant lose something you never had