Help me

Honestly since I can remember I’ve always been sad in some way but I’m 14 and since I was around 7-8 I’ve been sad but that’s besides the point. I always fell fast for girls with any girl who gave me attention I’d fall in love with because I was never used to the bare minimum. Now when I try to initiate the smallest communication with a girl I just get so socially turned off and just block them or ghost them. I know that sounds bad but it’s how I am, socially turned off. This is normal for me after a hard “breakup” which at 14 seems childish but it really does feel like love at some scale. But it’s been a while since I felt something for someone that wasn’t the normal puberty hormones kicking in making me a freakazoid. Also I have stopped like worshipping the idea of being known and loved and just gave up on it. I just am so socially isolated and it’s weird because I was the kid who would do the most just for the crowd to laugh and love me, not gonna trauma dump to much because I’d be here typing a whole book I just want to know how to fix this social situation.