Am sad

Bruh im complaining to my mom about having to wait till I was 19 (I’m from Alabama and everyone here sucks and is stupid and they just want to make us suffer for one more year as a really funny joke ig) and how disgusted with myself I feel having started later. and how I have no idea if I’ll ever be happy cause of how painful it is existing in this body. and she just calls me mentally ill and says if she could she’d barre me from starting hrt forever and instead having me put in therapy cause it only coocoo people think they’re in the wrong body.

Do cis people think psychiatrists just have a magic button that makes all the disgust you feel existing in a body that was forced to go through male puberty go away?Or make stop wanting to actually rip off your penis every time you take a shower?

I mean like I do love her and I know she loves me, like at least she didn’t make me homeless when I told her I was trans, but I can’t help sometimes to just hate her. It’s just very difficult not to when she just believes whatever random bullshit from people who hate me (a trans person) that just find my suffering to be the funniest thing in the world, over shit people that actually care about trans people (when me her child is trans) says. I listen to the podcasts she listens to and the tik toks she watches and it’s just like fucking what the sigma?