Just some random rambling (posting this on reddit btw so I don't run into anyone I know irl, please don't murder me)

Idek how to explain how I'm feeling but I guess to put it into short, I just keep going into this dumbahh loop of wanting to do two billion things at once, getting stuck, just sitting there doing nothing and giving up and never doing it. And I've been doing that for so long now and I genuinely feel like it's killing me. And I just feel like either that's gonna take me out soon or I'm gonna eventually become sick of it and just end it all myself idk. Like I'm only 14/15 but with the time I've wasted doing literally nothing I don't believe I'll live to 18.(and with how things are going right now I don't think I want to anymore T^T)