Stacking hrs 36 hrs (6-800mgpd)

Here I am, 36 hrs in after quite a bender. I've been on and off this stuff since February with my longest quit being about 4 weeks. My most recent bender has been about 6-7 weeks using some pretty high dosages multiple times a day.

I tried to taper a few weeks ago and failed miserably but I just lacked the experiences that would motivate myself to quit. Well this past week i got just that on Tuesday. I took 200mg on my way to the SS to get more to stock up for the upcoming ban. But I got to the smoke shop and all of the sudden I had a full blown panic attack... I would only wish later that it was just that, but it was way worse. My blood pressure spiked, I became feint and couldn't stand or move well. I couldn't focus on anything and began to have severe agitation. Everything was overstimulating and I felt as if I was gonna have a seizure or stroke out at any moment.

I tried to drive home but kept having to pull over because of the overstimulation and sheer panic. I got home just in time to take a Benny hat I had stored for situations like this. It was a 3 hr mental hellscape, a 3,he long panic attack with no breaks with no relief. I have no idea what was happening but it was absolutely terrifying. That was the motivation I needed to finally give this shit up.

So here I am listening to music at hr 36 doing alright because I had subutex stashed for when I came off this stuff. So I'm not too uncomfortable. I've only taken about 1mg or so of the Subutex and have only had some mild symptoms. I'm fortunate to have collected all the helper meds needed to keep myself as comfy as possible. I GOT REAL RESPECT FOR YALL THAT GO CT. I simply can't do that with 2 Small children and a family that depends on me.

Well wish me luck y'all I'll try to keep updated as I accumulate more hrs and days hopefully. This shit destroyed my mental health. With combat PTSD and MDD I shoulda been smarter than to get on something like this with a long history of addiction too. Anyways I wish you all well and I've seen this sub help sooooo many ppl. You can do it pp! we can do it together !