when does it get easier?

i grew up with these two malshis, sisters, one was born in 2009 and the other in 2010. they came from my cousins family so she got the first one (milly) in 2009 and i got the second one (winry) in 2010. i was around 4 years old.

i am now 20. i just spent basically my first birthday without them.

milly passed away in january of this year due to heart failure. shortly after that her sister got so depressed. i could see it in her photos. the little spark in her eyes was gone. she began having seizures for an unknown reason. i tried taking her to the vet but they couldn’t figure it out. winry ended up passing away after having one of these seizures. luckily i was there with her. i laid on my bathroom floor with her as she crossed the rainbow bridge. i hugged her and gave her kisses and apologies before taking her to her vet.

in the span of about 16 weeks i lost both of my sweet girls.

it’s been 5 weeks since winry passed and 21 weeks since milly passed and i still cannot stop crying. not a day goes by where i dont think of their sweet little faces. i have really intense crying sessions at least a few times a week. i miss their smell, their fur, their paws. i miss looking into their big eyes and kissing them all over their faces. im glad theyre together again but so sad that they’re not wth me anymore.

i get more and more scared that i’m never going to stop crying and it’s never going to get better, even when i get a new dog.

so i’m sorry for the long rant but, if you’d like, i would like to know when it got easier for any of you (if it even did).