my f18 bf m20 doesn’t care about me ?

first thing first i have suspected bpd so that plays a huge role in how i feel things and he’s aware. we’ve been dating since february but had our eyes on each other since august. we’re in the same college/uni (idk the equivalent sorry) and he’s currently in our home country all of summer (till august)

right before leaving he worked full time for a month to save up for his trip. during that month we only saw each other once or twice a week. the issue was that he was spending the whole day with his friends and barely an hour or two with me. then claimed he missed me but didn’t take any opportunities to see me. we stopped going out together like we did february/march. i can admit that i hate asking ppl hang out with me but i told him its because he’s always busy but i have literally nothing to do so i dont ask because its on his timing if we see each other. he started being less lover ish , which i guess is because rhe honeymoon phase wore off, but now 90% of the time expresses his love for me in a sexual manner. i don’t mind but i mind that its the only way he shows his love for me. the last day we had together and the last moment was him acting in sexual manners with me which i hate thats what we left off with . anyways that was all during the month of may before he left.

now hes been in algeria since june 4th and… hes constantly active right. he doesn’t text me , doesn’t answer my messages , doesn’t anything. i told him yesterday that it seems he doesn’t care about me anymore and he said that he’s busy. i know he doesn’t do anything while he’s there. he just hangs out in his house and does outside sometimes to go eat or wtv ( dont think it’s a vacation frl cuz he’s literally living there) i said that he doesn’t even tell me he loves me anymore, he says « i love you » right after and i tell him that doesn’t count cuz i had to dig it out of him . he kinda blew up on me and as the passive person i am i said its fine dont worry abt it . now i told him again today that his way of talking to me and his general attention just isn’t there and he said « i dont know … » (in french jen sais pas grands choses) i tell him if thats the best réponses he could give me and then follows up with a he has a football match to watch .. (friendly match at that) i just told him to go watch his match and im not planning to text him at all

before you say there’s a time difference , there is but he sleeps in canadian hours so. and he’s not busy with family his house is empty. i know that texting shouldn’t define a relationship especially that in person it’s fine (kinda) . however we’re apart for 3 months and he literally told me he wouldn’t ghost me. especially with the fact he’s active 24/7. he knows i’m a sensitive person even though i don’t show it that much. i’m not asking for the world i’m just asking for him to text me sometimes because we’re 6000km apart. i won’t break up over this because im telling myself when he’s gonna come back it’s all gonna be fine im gonna see him everyday but rhe thing is im thinking for the future. i want to go to a uni 5 hours away from where we live. will it be like this ?? i know i wont be an issue im someone that will always stay in contact but clearly he cant . idk im just seeing how even in texting a couple sentences per day he cant even manage. understanding why something bothers me he cant either . even when i text first i get dry 3 word texts.

i hate myself for loving him this hard when he doesn’t love me even a 1/4 of what i feel. i hate the fact that what he’s doing doesn’t make me mad but just hurts me. i hate that i crave his attention so much . i hate that this situation effects me so much to the point where im crying at least 5 hours per day about this.

anyways just want to say english isn’t my first language + im feeling so empty rn so i might sound like a robot typing sorry.