Mom is Dying

I’m 32yrs old and my mom is 63, she probably only has days left to live. About a month ago she had a stroke out of the blue, and ultimately discovered that she has pancreatic metastatic cancer that has spread to the liver. Over the last month she went through a lot of therapy and was recovering well from the stroke until this weekend when had a sudden heart attack, also caused by the aggressive cancer. She spent the next two days recovering well and was talking about being discharged when her blood pressure and oxygen levels dropped rapidly after her occupational therapy. Her treatment options have been limited and she’s fairly stable but has been incubated for the last few days. She’s likely going to die over the next few days and even if she makes a turn, it’s only a matter of time with how aggressive the cancer is.

I’ve never lost someone important to me before. She was in great health. I expected another 20yrs with her. I have two young kids and she’s a fantastic grandmother. It doesn’t feel real that I’m going through this, it doesn’t feel fair. I feel sad for her. I feel sad for all the missed experiences and opportunities that there could’ve been for my children growing up. I feel sad for my dad and my siblings. I know I’ll get through it but I just really wish things were different