I fell off the wagon and lost my temper over HCBM

We have a very HCBM. A broke-into-my-house-one time, level of high conflict. I’m honestly just not used to or equipped to dealing with such things, so this whole process has been a learning curve.

We’ve had a year of practicing radical acceptance. We’ve had no arguments about HCBM. We treat her like inclement weather that cannot be controlled. Everything has been good.

We’re selling our house. Monday we get a call from our agent to let us know that HCBM has called asking for updates. From our agent. Because she wants to know how much money DH is likely to be getting from a sale. Obviously they told her to pound sand.

But I just broke, my nervous system went into hyperdrive. I just feel like my privacy and space have been violated again (see paragraph one.)

I told my husband he should call and say that’s not acceptable. He repeated back at me the gray rock strategy that we’d agreed on and how she would feed off the attention, that she won’t correct her behavior, she just has to be ignored. And I know he’s right. I know it, I know it. I’ve said it myself.

I couldn’t help it, I took a plate off the kitchen counter and smashed it on the floor. I’m just so frustrated at this woman for getting away with bad behavior again and again and again. It violates my internal sense of fairness.

And every time she pulls this nonsense, I have to equip myself to welcome her kids into my home with a smile on my face and never let on how much their mother scares the life out of me.