Hurting. Wanna be normal.

I hate the pain of amnesic barriers. I hate that I don't get to control all of me and that certain things trigger me so much right now. It's horrifically embarrassing. I know it'll get better as i address the pain but some days I just don't want to try again. It's so hard to get up sometimes.

If you're further along in your journey, do you have any advice of how to get through? I'm open to anything, I journal constantly. I hate the switches.