My girlfriend and I are both in our 20s and have been together for about a year. She’s the youngest sibling and the only girl among four brothers, so I understand that she’s always been the doted on little sister. But it has started to feel like a pissing match between me and her brothers. And honestly, it can be emasculating. 

There have been multiple occasions where we’re all out together and she gets ready to pay for something. One of her brothers will stop her with, “Wait ***you’re*** paying for it?” before scoffing, pulling out their own card and looking directly at me while doing it. Other times I’ll catch them exchanging glances, shaking their heads, or laughing as if there’s some inside joke I’m not privy to. I’ve gone through her phone and found these messages, among many more. I’m sure I’ll be crucified for my action but I was looking to see if her brothers ever talk shit about me. 

I’m aware they helped support her quite a bit throughout college, which made sense at the time. The thing is she’s graduated now and has a well paying job of her own.

Last night I was honest with her about how it makes me feel. I told her that the constant financial support from her brothers and sizing me up makes me uncomfortable and that, ideally, I’d like to see the day to day stuff to taper off. Birthdays and holidays are of course completely different. I’m talking about the random cash apps, gifts, and big financial help that seem to happen routinely.

She responded by asking whether I planned on filling the gap if they stopped. When I asked what she meant, she clarified buying her things and sending her money. I told her that there are four of them compared to one of me, so no, I wouldn’t be matching that level of spending. But I’d still fund some stuff obviously.

She called me ridiculous and outright rejected my request without really hearing me out. The conversation deteriorated from there, and I told her the whole thing felt financially incestuous. Unsurprisingly that did not go over well and I do regret saying that word. She kicked me out of her apartment and hasn’t responded to any of my texts since then. But am I over reacting for wanting this to come to a stop?

AIO for feeling uncomfortable about how often my girlfriend’s brothers send her money and buys her things?