im slowly getting angrier at my mother as i get older.

i love my mom. i am very close to her and i had a good childhood. i was never abused, i still dont label what she says as “abuse.” however, as i grow older i become more angry at her. shes controlling in every aspect and im not in a position right now to “just leave.”

i think maybe im the problem. she constantly does the guilt tripping thing. “you dont love me anymore. i miss when you were little.” “why dont you pay attention to me?” “stop ignoring me.” not only that, but shes always so fucking negative and angry all the time.

ive grown to slowly dislike her. it makes me feel bad. i feel like a bad person. i sometimes think that maybe im the problem. im too sensitive and just overreacting. she says, “i shouldve beaten/spanked you when you were younger to toughen you up.” as a joke, but still i am not sure how to feel about it. she always called me sensitive. and i am; i wont lie about that. i need to work on myself too.

i want to give her the benefit of the doubt. i feel bad for her, but i just cant do it anymore. i think ill be so much happier and healthier if i lived on my own. it is not a viable option right now. and she tells me how i should never leave her, and that she wont let me leave. she always says that everything is about her, not about me. that i shouldn’t be able to question her.

its what i imagine its like having an abusive partner.