My lifes shit

Feel left behind everyone in my past either married with kids career jobs money beautiful love life family put together traveling while im 34 struggling with money relationship no job no career no job for years depression old self harm scars body dosmorphia miscarriage suffered from rape abused since inwas a baby no friends 0 friends wow I feel so ugly inside life is in shambles everyone prospered while im suffering which is the reason I don't want to make friends or see old friends im struggling financially wow I see people shop in value village for fashion while I shop for one or two price of clothing to find to ware hair falling out health declining wow I feel like shit I shouldn't watch people's lives but their shopping top tier restaurants getting good pay clear skin no stretchmarks while im here struggling with everything ..people r in relationship were partners want them while mines tell me to leaves n get out and im told i came with nothing so leave with nothing I made a promise when I get money ill never depend or be around anyone and that im ok to be alone no kids no relationship just me I have up on life bit accepted that things won't get better