Caregivers is Exhausting

My MIL has vascular dementia (possibly FTD too) and lives in assisted living. Caregiving for her is not necessarily a daily thing. When she gets an idea in her head, that becomes a peacemaking role for me with hubby and her. She gets a lot of ideas. Also she is stage 6 but ADLs she can still do. She has a lot of physical problems too.

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I attended a weekend assembly and took another lady. She is 15 years older than me, on oxygen 24/7 bc of COPD, and needs help with almost everything. I didn't realize how bad it has become. The first night I only slept 1.5 hours between her breathing and her Inogen machine. I had to carry all her stuff and used a wheelchair because she couldn't walk 10 ft without gasping for air. I had to tell her after we got home that I couldn't take her anymore.

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I woke up Monday hurting all over. My point is caregiving is rough. It's so hard to do it to someone you are related to and you love. To do it to someone you're related to and can't stand, my heart breaks for you and I wish I could help you. Telling this lady I can't help her anymore was difficult but if I am going to take care of me I had to.

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I just hope all caregivers have no shame when you say no. We all make choices that lead us to the here and sometimes we need to let people live with it. My MIL could have had a different environment to spend her last days if she had made better choices. She is good where she is for now. This friend of mine, well she made choices too. It's ok to let that burden, that's not yours, go back to the universe.