People always make me feel like there is something wrong with me

Hey guys,

I am 20f and have noticed a pattern in my life that makes me feel really bad and doubtful about myself. At the core of it, people in different walks of my life, starting from when I was ~16 kind of tend to criticise a lot of things about me and make me feel inadequate.

I noticed this early on and wanted to work on myself in order to become a respectable person- so I started to pick up sports, gym, healthy eating but most importantly working on my academic performance and the way I interact with people. I personally feel proud about the person that I have become and can confidently say that I am on a really good path. I now study at a top business university, lead a healthy lifestyle, keep my space clean and am getting a lot better at socialising.

But it’s just never ending and my friends, my romantic relationship, my parents and even some of my teachers tend to think that I have a lack of self-discipline and am somehow weaker than the average person.some examples: once I enrolled at the university, my best friend said I should maybe pursue becoming a hairdresser as I am passionate about beauty. I said what😳 why? I have the upmost respect for this profession, but I have genuinely never even talked about becoming one. Then she said that maybe I am mentally not up to par to the academic standards of the university. I have been preparing for my first semester by taking math classes and freshening up the required math knowledge.

My philosophy professor, before she got to see my work, was a little condescending when I was talking during seminars. Before I answered questions, she said: alright let’s try it! In a condescending tone😭 At the end of the semester, I got the highest score in the exam and a very good score in the essay.

I also noticed that the guy I was seeing romantically kind of wasn’t taking me really seriously. He would kind of slip into a father figure role by saying that I should maybe think more about my career, spend less time on Tik Tok and would even ask me if I hang out with friends? I often talked about my recent hang outs with my friends and I am not addicted to social media. He also would never compliment me, which made me feel inadequate because even in a romantic setting, I feel like I was seen as flawed and behind in some way.

I also noticed some people laughing at me when I am sitting in class or just walking.

Those are just some examples, but all of this inherently makes me feel like I have to prove something to everyone instead of just being accepted into a community and supported along the way.

It makes me feel like a genetic outlier and honestly has taken my joy out of socialising and finding connection.