I think I've been on both ends of ROCD.

Back in college I had a long-term relationship with a woman that was pretty terrible. She had OCD, which was something we bonded over, as well as an eating disorder. Just a very intense and ruminative person.

Something I strongly remember was that nothing I ever did was good enough for her. She was constantly embarrassed by me, never extending the benefit of the doubt. The weird thing was I had more friends than her and I was a better conversationalist, and whenever she did something to embarrass me I'd brush it off and forgive her. But she never did that for me. I always felt so judged by her.

I was thinking about this relationship because I brought her up with my therapist during a conversation about intimacy. My ex would freak out on me any time I wasn't in the mood for sex and she was, telling me she "was not in a good emotional state to be rejected right now" and sobbing until I conceded and did it anyway. I realize now that what she did was sexual coercion, and I think it kind of did a number on me in regards to my ability to say no to sex.

She's married now, and she wrote a whole article about her journey of accepting her partner and how hard it was to commit to marriage. And I'm suddenly realizing she probably had relationship-themed OCD, which is why she criticized me on every little thing I did.

It spooks me, because I'm currently in a long-term relationship with a woman 1000x better than her and who I can actually see myself marrying, which of course makes me spiral every day thinking about her imperfections. But I don't ever want to be like my girlfriend from college. I'm so scared I'm going to be like her, and make my current partner feel the way I used to feel. But I need to be better than that. I need to have grace and patience. It's just hard sometimes.