I haven’t had sex in a year and months. My ex and I had sex regularly, handful of times every other week. To me, someone who didn’t have sex but one time before him, we had sex regularly. To him, which he told me this week in hate texts that I hardly had sex with him. It would late for hour but at the shortest, two hours?

Our sexual chemistry was exactly what I liked. I was in love with him too. He knew how to please me and I liked it. But, I stopped having my sex with him as often towards the end because he would always ask me to talk about other men I had sex with. Our relationship was toxic all around on both ends. That’s why we aren’t together. Now he blames me for everything and doesn’t take accountability and says he’s made up for everything he did to me. I’ve forgiven him but he’s blocked. It has left a sour taste about sex though because of my ex.

I haven’t dated, or tried to date. I don’t talk to men and I feel ready to see what’s on the market. I’m not rushing anything and I also don’t have sex with anyone.

My sister and friends are trying to introduce me to  their male friends and I’m so shy. I wish I was a woman who was more confident in her body. I’m confident that I’m beautiful but not desirable. I don’t always like masturbating because I miss having a man take care of me and me him. But, I’m too shy to let myself try. I don’t always like watching porn. I don’t need a boyfriend to love myself and I don’t need a boyfriend to have

pleasure, but I miss slow sex with tons of affection or rough sex in person with a man who desires me.

My dinner is a granola bar and veggie straws.

I miss having sex