A party incident got me onto this kink ever since

A couple years ago I was at a house party when I was 20. I got very drunk, and I believe something was slipped extra to me as well. When I passed out in a bedroom upstairs the inevitable happened, and I was used by several guys throughout the evening, coming and going. I'd "come to" a bit and see a new guy on top of me, or a group surrounding me, with the most evil grins ever, pulling their pants down, or rubbing at their bulging crotches.

Or I'd see the back of them pulling their pants up and quickly leaving the room. I remember crying, and a group of guys just laughing at me, and cheering even harder. In my drunken , slurred state I'd be begging them to stop, calling out for help. It hurt really bad.

It was extremely traumatic, but a huge kink origin for me. I was used by total strangers, guys I somewhat knew, and even guys that I thought were friends of mine and respected me. To this day I've pretended like nothing happened. All the guys I knew, promptly "ghosted" me after, and cut me out of their lives.

I replay that night in my head constantly. I was on birth control, which I was very thankful for back then. This whole ordeal still plays in my head every day.