I don't relate to most of the testimonies given here and it worries me

Hi,

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I've been around here a while, especially around the time I understood being trans was not going to be something I want.

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People all have different paths, but most of them still gave some degree of similarity and I don't relate to any of these, so it makes me doubt my brain thought process may be distorted by a mental health condition.

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Truth is, I felt ok while trans, it suited me better but I was forced to detransition and later on came to acknowledge that medical transition is usually wrong. I don't believe in AGP for my case, since really there were rarely anything sexual about it past like 2 months of transition (and most of it was just excitement really). The diminution of libido was a side effect I really really enjoyed, so it being a paraphilia sounds weird.

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I don't relate either to TOCD, but I'm starting to think me not relating is actually a symptom of it. The "dysphoria" I sometimes feel doesn't really sound like an obsessive thought, I just have moment thinking I dislike being a guy, I feel bad about it, about my body then I move on. There's no real compulsivity, these thoughts don't keep me awake at night it's just some sort of faint background noise I sometimes notice when my mind isn't busy. And I don't HATE being a man, it just doesn't suit me well (but what can you do)(no don't tell me "it's fine being GNC", I present male and am fine with it, it's just a matter between me and my body).

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Now I know these kinds of disorders tend to twist your perception, and no I can't get diagnosed (would destroy my career which is the last thing keeping me from relapsing I feel). I'd just like to know what your thought is, and if it could sound like TOCD (or anything else of course).