I messed up and i dont know how to get out of this mess i made

For context i am m19 that got diagnosed with bpd without my parents knowing.
I spent more than 2k usd on stupid gacha games trying to figure out who i like my entire paycheck is mostly around 3-4k monthly i should be saving for uni my dad likes to check my account monthly to see that it is not a mess i usually got around that by lying i should be saving for uni but i dont even know what i wanna study nor who i am really i have no hobbies nothing genuinely special about me i hate it back to the bank shit i told them that i got less 500$ than what i was supposed to (i didnt i lied) but they figured something was wrong and i lied about it once again that there was a problem with work i dont know what i am gonna do i am lacking 2k usd out of my paycheck because i put it in my savings so my dad doesnt notice something lacking i dont know what i am doing nor what i wanna do with my life i fucked up my car for driving too recklessly while dissociating i wish i dont wake up tomorrow because theres not much waiting for me in my life.