I loathe being naked.

*Disclaimer* not sure if the nsfw tag is necessary but the nature of the post tells me yes. I am also already in therapy so please do not fret I am not getting help for this, it’s something we’re addressing as it’s resurfaced.

I’m not uncomfortable with others being naked, but I’ve never felt safe nude in front of anyone ever. After experiencing sexual violence, it came to a point of debilitating my relationships with those who aren’t as trauma informed as others.

I hate the assumption its because I don’t find myself beautiful, the reassurance of how attractive someone thinks I am makes it worse, but people take it so personally when I ask to not comment on my appearance all the time, it’s so disheartening.

It could be a whole separate issue that while my partner is very understanding it’s trauma related, being raised in a very traditional family makes it feel like (as untrue as I know it is in the end) that I’m not good enough to be his wife if I don’t like being naked and fail at so many other expectations from the outside world. It doesn’t help when it does come up he says something along the lines of “I understand and don’t want you uncomfie, but it doesn’t make me sad you aren’t naked around me more”. Again, this could be a whole separate issue; but it makes the feeling so much worse.

It’s getting to the point I don’t even like bathing for too long, it hasn’t affected my ability to stay clean, but it’s to the point I don’t like my appendages being exposed and have trouble feeling adequately covered to enjoy swimming and other water sports I love.