TRIGGER WARNING (SH)

Today was the first time I cut.
I used a dull pair of scissors. I didn't cry until I ran my fingers over the burning lines and seen my skin torn. I've never felt that before. When it was over I felt good. The burn as I laid in my bed sharpening the scissors with a nail filer was both terrifying and satisfying.
I had just got in my room from a bad argument with my mom. We've been bad for weeks all because of her bf. I have a doctors appointment tomorrow and I really wanna say something then.
I can't explain the way I was feeling but I know I'll do it again. I know I will. I don't want to. Like immediately when I ran in my room I looked for something sharp because I KNEW I wanted to hurt myself. I seen the scissors and just started going ig? I want help.