How can I save my long distance relationship?

My bf (M26) and I (F20) have been dating for over a year and we've had some struggles but have always prevailed and our current one I feel may make or break us.

We were so happy and in love and I was fully trusting him at this point and I found texts on his phone that he had been texting a girl from his past. These texts I found were from a long time ago but still while we were dating. He said that he needed closure to fully allow himself to love me, which at a certain level I can understand but that is something that should've been done before asking me to be his gf and especially not kept as a secret. We talked about it deeply and a lot and I chose to give him another chance because he has shown me he is capable of change before and if he wants this it'll show. This happened days before a trip and decided to still go and make the best of it. We did and the trip was great, but after we had to go our separate ways back home.

The first couple of weeks were going good and he understood I needed extra attention and reassurance as I am an anxious person. Slowly I noticed willingness of effort fade almost like he lost interest. I brought up several times what i needed to be extra clear but he didn't know what else to do. I believe the way I went about saying what I need wasn't the best and it began to exhaust him to the point where he became emotionally burnt out and broke up with me.

At first I begged and pleaded, this is the love of my life and i don't see this as a break up offense, just something we can change in the way we communicate and our balance of what we need in life. He instead asked for space which was rocky at first but I researched a lot and came into contact with relationship coaches to help guide me on my self journey, understanding space is okay, and how to salvage our relationship if he decided to try again.

He reached out eventually (around 10 days of no contact) and we slowly talked about everything, his feelings and mine and how we can move forward correctly. We've been consistently talking everyday, somedays just texting if he needed a day to himself. He goes and enjoys his own life while building on his current friendships etc that he had been neglecting and I've been working on my mental state and trying to learn a secure attachment style in this process. I want to be able to state my boundaries and feelings about certain things he does or how we are going about certain things but my fear of loosing him takes over. I still manage to state some feelings/boundaries and he always says he understands and sees where I am coming from and adjusts. But this time 2 nights ago I think I pushed too far.

We recently talked about me needing a break from where I live because my friends are busy, I got fired a couple months ago and it's been really hard finding a job and it's getting to me being constantly alone. We talked about me taking a trip that turned into me living with him for some of the summer.

We were supposed to talk about the trip that night and finalize my ticket and details. He spent that whole day with friends which turned into staying out super late, and I called and said I don't appreciate always being on your time especially when we were going to be finalizing a decision about our future and that I feel I am on the end of his priority list. He assured me I am not but understands that if thats how I feel he can do something about it.

However after the call and him saying he'd be home soon he stayed for even longer. It eventually was 3am and I decided to call him but no answer. I start to panic and he ignored all texts and calls. He spends the whole night and the next day going from place to place (beach, friends houses, gas station, liquor store, etc). I stay up all night because I am so worried about him and the fact that he could be potentially reevaluating our relationship. He texted me yesterday apologizing and that he needed to clear his head and he loves me so much and wants to talk at some point that day.

Later in the day he asked what am I doing and when I replied he never answered. Several hours and different places later he ended up at this bar he always go to. I knew then that he'd be drinking and not coming home till late, so I sent a text shortly after he arrived at the bar saying "Hey if tn doesn't work out that's completely okay. We can talk whenever you feel ready. I don't want to feel overwhelmed or pressured by anything, and I'll keep respecting your space. If you can pls charge your phone while you're out if possible. Hope you have a good time❤️" to which he never responded/read but did charge his phone.

I feel I am being overly and beyond understanding of his space and needs to the point where I am constantly disrespecting myself. I honestly put him above myself all the time and I know that isn't good, but I know he is going through a lot and even though he is def taking full advantage of the space I give him by doing whatever he wants while he knows I just sit and worry, I love him too deeply to walk away. He needs someone in his corner, a safe and peaceful space and thats all I want to be, not something he needs to escape from. I think he's been hurt before when he has brought his walls down, and I can tell that he is guarded and I don't want to walk away because things are hard. I don't want to leave him when he needs me the most. I am okay accepting he can't give me everything I need because sometimes you just have to be the strength the other needs in the moment while they are in the darkness. Or maybe I am a fool to think this way but I do.

I just want to tell him I love you with every bone in my body and I know this is worth fighting for. It is hard it’s not easy but things that matter are not typically easy. I don’t want easy, I embrace the difficulties and the challenges. It means to overcome is to grow and something easy wouldn’t put me at where I am today and how I now change how I go about situations and react not soully based on emotion anymore. You matter, I matter, and we matter. Our love is only destined to grow and nourishing it may be hard but that’s what makes us become better versions of ourselves. I know there will be ups and downs and mistakes made but that’s okay. What matters is what we do after. I don’t want an after you. I don’t want a before you. I want an everlasting during you. I want to be the warmth and safety you need on a bad day. I want to be there on your worst days and remind you that you are not alone. I am here and I am listening and you are valid. 

I am worried if he has chosen to give up on us and I am not sure what to do. I've never loved and wanted something more. I know that if we both chose to continue to want this it can definitely work out and become stronger than ever. This was to mainly rant but does anyone have any advice?