My boyfriend (28M) and I (30F) have had repeated trust issues for 2 years. Do I try couples therapy or move on?

My boyfriend (28M) and I (30F) have been together for a little over 2 years. I moved states to be with him, we share most of our close friends, and we’re supposed to move in together in about 2 months. If we don’t move in together, I think the relationship is over. At 2 years, I would’ve ideally liked to be moving toward engagement, but we’re nowhere near that because of repeated trust issues.

The issue isn’t cheating. It’s a recurring pattern of lying by omission, withholding information, avoiding difficult conversations, and only telling me things after the fact. We’ve had around 12 major trust ruptures. The pattern is always the same: he gets scared of conflict, hides something, I find out, we have a painful conversation, he apologizes, and eventually it happens again.

This week, he withheld information for several days about a situation he knew would affect me, despite us having multiple conversations about that exact topic and me directly asking if anything was wrong. I found out on my own. His explanation for withholding was that he was stressed and scared to lose me.

What makes this difficult is that he isn’t a bad person. He’s loving, patient, supportive, and there have been real improvements over time. He’s less focused on external things, more committed to the relationship, more willing to apologize, more responsive to boundaries, and more present overall.

But after 2 years, he still doesn’t seem to understand why he keeps doing this beyond “I was scared” or “I don’t like conflict.”

I’m 30 and thinking seriously about marriage, kids, finances, and building a future. He’s living more day-to-day. Part of me feels like I owe it to myself to try couples therapy so I know I explored every reasonable option. Another part of me feels like the fact that this happened before we even started therapy is already my answer.