Why do I always end up the same place?

My life is a cycle of it looking to get better, then life hits me with awful things happening to me and I'm doing unwell mentally again. I don't want to keep thinking about ending it all, but I keep ending up here again and again and again for years! Please spare my heart, it's too fragile for this life given to me. I'm too emotional and it destroys me inside to be this way.