I got fucked over again

So I had posted this on a different subreddit but i didn’t get really get any advice so i thought I’d try here, anyway friend who I stopped talking to because she would ignore my concerns, made me feel like shit, made me feel like I’m just a convenient friendship, ignore me whenever she felt like it, actively avoided serious conversations, turn simple misunderstandings around on to me, and outright ignore how I felt about things.

She reached out to me and wanted to apologize to me after a month of no contact, we met up this past weekend and we talked. She wanted to apologize for making me feel the way I did and when I went into depth of the problems I just listed, she went quiet, stated she couldn’t believe she was a bad person, and wanted me to believe she was sorry even though this is the 3rd time now. After many hours she eventually opened up to me, she said she constantly thought of me, started missing my presence, started asking people for me, and even admitted to having a dream about us. We talked and talked until eventually I forgave her but I wanted to remind her that the trust needs to be rebuilt again to which she acknowledged.

The following night I wanted to know what she meant about some the things she said she missed about me, that I genuinely wanted to believe she had changed and how it’ll be difficult to regain that trust but it’s something I do want to know about, I wanted to be reassured. Not even 30min had passed she lashed out saying she knows what she did was wrong, that she can’t be happy with herself because I’m going to constantly bring it up, that we’re better off going our separate ways. I told her that if she wanted me to stop she could just say so, I just want some communication from her if she didn’t feel comfortable to say so, I literally told her that morning after we met up to let me know if I step out of bounds. She calms down and we talk normally again.

The next morning she messaged me and stated how she feels like she wouldn’t be able to be happy knowing she did those things to me, that she feels watched, trapped, and the sheer amount of guilt she has in her. I tell her I’m capable of fully forgiving her and trusting her again but it takes time, it’s only been a couple of days things are going to be slow. She was set on that I would continue to bring up her mistakes, that she acknowledges them but is afraid of it, that’s she’s emotionally exhausted from it and afraid of repeating the same cycle.

I tried to reason with her, I wanted that friendship to work really bad because I did miss her, but it’s the same shit again for the 3rd time, she’s afraid of repeating the same cycle but her own ego wouldn’t let her see it, the entire conversation was just her saying she was exhausted and couldn’t be happy being with me knowing that she’s constantly reminded of her mistakes. Im tired, I felt led on, that apparently she made up her before saying she was willing to move forward with everything but why agree ? Why entertain it ? I feel so dumb apologizing and trying to get it to work, I blocked her after she made some poor excuse for cutting me off, I’m just disappointed in myself