Who even am I?

For context I’m 22, ftm and 9 weeks postpartum. Before I had my son I was someone right? I mean I assume I was just who I am but now I wonder if she ever even existed. I stare at myself in the mirror and don’t even recognize who the person is staring back. When I get time to myself my husband says “Go do something you like.” So I shower or clean the house because before I had my son I did psychedelics and smoked a lot of pot, now that I can’t and don’t want to do that anymore because I’m a mom, what do I do? How do I find a new me that now exists because my heart is outside my body? When did life start to feel less like pretending and more like actually existing or am I just the odd one out who can’t seem to find her way through.