A complete apathy had overtaken me

Ive been failing my classes because I dont care. I have no motivation to do anything. Ive been considering dropping out of school for a while now, but I know my family will be disappointed, and even worse, I know my job prospects will go to shit. I dont like-like work, but at least it gives me money to do the things I want to do. All of which are sleeping, wearing cute clothes, and spending money on stupid shit. But I can't live my whole life that way.

I often wonder if anyone would notice if I just walked away. They'd have to eventually, but I could probably be gone for at least 3 days without anyone wondering too much. There's a big woods by my house. If I walked in there, no one would find me for a while. That'd be nice.

I'm not going to kill myself because I don't want to, but also there's no point. I'm going to die eventually. There's no need to rush it. But id still like to be gone. It'd sleep for a week, probably.

I've been applying to full time jobs. If I get one by summers end, I'll let myself take a break from school, and I'll finally move out of my aunts house. I'll start transitioning. I'll buy myself a switch. Everyone says adulthood is hard, that I should take advantage of my current position, but I dont like my life. So maybe it'll be worse. Maybe I'll suffer. Worst case scenerio, it'll kill me. Or id move back in. But it'd be better than this, I think.

I dont smoke but I want a cigarette. Or to be put in a coma. I've been on SNRIs for like a year and the shits have stopped working. Or maybe repping is ruining my life? Idk. Anyway goodnight people in my phone