man i cant live like that anymore

its just miserable every single day night moment whatever. i cant even remember what normal human beings act like. im so fckn empty its just sad, i hope im am in my worst days today and it eventually gets better somehow but it only gets worse for a couple of years now. its like my brain is just thinking about everything bad even if i dont want it to think at the moment, i can enjoy anything because of that. i cant enjoy anything at all, i forgot how emotions work, i cant even remember when was the last time i felt something good for once. them doctors gave my some meds to cheer me up or something, it worked for sometime but it eventually stopped, so i just gave up on them. even tho im 17 theres just my dad who somehow supporting me but he live in other house cuz of the fkn divorce shit. its just bad event after another, literally nothing good happened in the last 5 years of my life, and it just get worse every morning i wake up. the cycle goes on. dont know how long i can resist all of this, but on the other side its like digging in a hole that is already deep, so nothing changes on the outside, only inside of me can get worse and thats whats happening basicly. to anyone who somehow click on this, sorry for poorly written sentences, and please, make sure to prevent yourself or someone from becoming like what i am before its too late, i dont want anyone to live like me cuz its awful