has God left me or abandoned ?

Hi, my name is Rian. Something happened to me. I'm a Christian, and at some point in my life I changed everything for Jesus. But in the last few months, I suddenly entered a state of apathy, a complete emptiness within me, as if I were inert, without emotions, feelings, or physical sensations, as if nothing existed inside me. I tried several times to talk to God, but my words don't seem to have any spiritual connection with God, as if He no longer exists for me. I don't know what happened; I only know that I don't feel anything anymore. Honestly, I wish I had never been born. Just a venting of someone who thinks God has abandoned or left them.