I’m slowly realizing that I may have dated a narcissist and I’m tempted to text his ex to hear her story.

I’ll try to make this short. Recently got out of a really toxic relationship and over the last few weeks it feels like my reality is unraveling. Now that I’ve stepped away from the relationship I’m starting to wonder if my ex, who I saw as the victim throughout most of our relationship, was actually secretly the villain the whole time.

I’m particularly focused on the way he described his relationship with his ex gf. He claimed that she was mentally and verbally abusive and that she was an all around crazy bitch. The odd part was that throughout our relationship, his story didn’t sit right with me, despite there being no overt reason for me to doubt it. One of the things that didn’t line up was the way he described HIMSELF in that relationship. He claimed that he was very passive, that he tolerated a lot of abuse and that he allowed himself to be pushed around, yet the version of him that I knew was incredibly abrasive, intense, scary and definitely not the type to be “pushed around.” Even his family said that “at times he could be a real asshole.”

Throughout OUR relationship I was repeatedly mistreated, gaslit, minimized and dismissed until I eventually “went crazy.” I got pushed to my breaking point and had a full on meltdown and looking back it’s eery how afterwards he quickly assumed the role of the victim and started saying things like “you really scare me” and “the way you talked to me is abusive.” Now looking back I’m starting to wonder if he did the same thing to his ex, pushed her to her breaking point and then claimed to be the victim, and if I was an idiot for believing his side all along.

I’m starting to wonder if his tales of “abuse” were really just a reversal of reality and if he was actually the abuser the whole time. Ever since I had this realization I have been itching to reach out to his ex and actually just hear her story. I wonder if she was treated just like me. If she was made to feel crazy and if he was really just the villain all along. So, do I reach out to her?