When the adrenaline is gone after you've spiraled

Seriously. My mind has been absolutely racing with thoughts, important ones in my opinion, ever since may 29th; after my last therapy session happened. I had to tell my therapist so many intense things about myself that I couldn't even understand. So I spent the rest of my days thinking about possible explanations, finding them, being eager to share them, then discovering that old problems are resurfacing.. dwelling on my past and the fact that it shaped me horribly, but the people who hurt me got away with it easily.

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And I've been dying to get some validation, to be told that I'm making progress by texting my friends first, trying to remind them that I'd be happy to hang out.. even though I can barely move around my own neighborhood. It doesn't just mean stepping out of my comfort zone, it means being completely unprepared and aware that I could ruin everything, but I still didn't give up.

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And yet, so many days have passed. I haven't given myself a break for even a second, and now.. all my racing thoughts feel trivial. I'm still going crazy, but the urgency is almost gone and I hope it doesn't ruin the session. If tomorrow's session isn't satisfying, I'm going to drive myself mad again until the next one.

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Goodness. I made peace with the fact that I'm not gonna see my therapist for the entirety of August (I already knew), but now I need to pray to every God out there that I dont go insane