As a gay man, I’m insecure about going on dates because of my feminine voice

Whenever I match with someone on Tinder or another dating app, things can be going well over text, but once it gets close to actually meeting up, I start pulling back.

My voice is feminine, and as a gay man, that feels like a whole separate taboo. It’s not just “will he like my voice?” It feels like my voice will be judged as part of my masculinity, my attractiveness, and how seriously I’m taken.

Even within gay dating, there can be this harsh obsession with masculinity. “Masc” is treated like a standard, and anything feminine can feel like something you’re supposed to hide or apologize for.

Sometimes I reject myself before anyone else even gets the chance to. I imagine him hearing my voice and instantly losing interest, thinking I’m too feminine, or not seeing me as desirable anymore.

I know this isn’t just a personal insecurity. It comes from society and from the way gay dating culture can treat femininity in men. But knowing that doesn’t make the hesitation disappear.

I just wanted to get this off my chest. It’s exhausting to feel like I have to hide a part of myself before a date has even begun.