I thought he rejected me, only to realize 6 years later my Roomate pulled a “reactive abuse” stunt to sabotage it.

I feel kinda pathetic for this but I do feel like there was a trauma bond of some sort. I had a narcissistic roomate who blackmailed me, spread lies/over exaggerations about me, and threatened me not to talk about it. So I never did, I thought time would do its thing but I just hate feeling like I never got to “say my piece”.

She (the narc Roomate) was really anxious about her friends potentially getting closer with eachother then with her, and then abandoning her. So she triangulated me with this one guy who was her close friend. Her close friend just so happened to be a guy I had a crush on, but I didn’t think he liked me (she was talking mad shit about me to him, and threatened me not to defend myself, I was scared of leaving and making her mad)

I didn’t realize this till years later but I believe he might have actually liked me back. He asked my Roomate to find out if I liked him.

Instead of coming to me like “hey girl guess what? He has a crush on you! What do you think?” she instead screamed at me like “ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH HIM!! ANSWER THE QUESTION?!” I genuinely thought I was about to get hit or something. I freaked out and told her I didn’t and said some negative things, thinking it would deescalate the situation. I immediately felt terrible after and told myself, I need to talk to him individually and apologize cause I actually do have feelings for him. my telling her I wasn’t interested worked, she eventually calmed down. I started crying cause I felt so overwhelmed. While I was still wiping the tears from my face, she called him to break the news in front of me! I should’ve spoke up so he could hear that she called him in front of me, but I was so shocked in the moment. He has no idea she was making direct eye contact with me and had him on speaker when she broke the news.

He responded with “it’s fine I didn’t really like her that much anyways…what did she say though?” I thought that confirmed that he wasn’t interested and I got super depressed. But then the next time I saw him it was very apparent he was upset with me. Looking back I know why, but in the moment I was so confused.

I ended up transferring colleges to get away from the narcissistic Roomate entirely. Then I found out the friend group broke up after I left. Not until I was away from all the drama did I have time to process what happened. When I did, i realized he might have actually liked me. I wanted to tell him what happened and how I felt. When I finally got the courage to tell him, I found out he has a new girlfriend💔she’s now his wife. I know that door has closed. But man the timing of all that sucks and feeling like I never got to tell him or tell him what my Roomate did sucks.

I really liked this guy. He was my type to a T and had a lot of other qualities I was interested in. He made me feel so desired with the way he looked at me and I felt so much tension. Although we never dated, I’m sad I could’ve had the chance to explore the connection, but instead I was manipulated into ruining it.

I also feel really alone and that people don’t understand how this feels. They just tell me get over it or assume I’m not happy in my life right now. It’s just not that simple, to name a few of the reasons this situation scarred me so bad is: adhd trauma response, narcissistic abuse, cptsd, the blackmail, the threats, and getting lied on constantly. Anytime I vent about it I never feel better. Nothing really seems to quiet the sense of injustice I feel💔