Ladies!? How do I stop tensing up during sex?

Hello. This is my first big post/ ask on reddit. I’m pretty sure it’s all mental but maybe some ladies out there have some better advice than google. I (21F) have been experiencing my entire body tensing up when I have sex. I think I know the reason why but it’s been almost a year since the incident. A bit embarrassing but early july last year, went on a date with a guy really nice dude, great date, we go back to his, things are getting heated and he puts it in the wrong place without asking and kept going even after I said stop and WTF! It shook me up a little bit, and i haven’t been with really anyone since. I’ve had three sexual partners since then, and each time months apart it just hurts. Like a bitch. Not a oh i’m too tight type of hurt, almost like a cramping type of pain. I can feel my entire body tensing up and i tell myself to breathe it’s okay, i trust the partners i’m with but i just can’t relax. Even fingers hurt. It’s starting to concern me a little because I want to enjoy sex but my body isn’t. I feel like i’ve tried everything, lots of foreplay, toys, going really slow. But everything hurts down there. I don’t know what to do or think. Please any ladies with any advice.