Is there any hope?

The event was March 2025. I didn't realize the full weight of it until September 2025. I woke up every night panicked. My days felt unreal, I felt completely cut off from who I used to be and the trauma enveloped everything.

It has completely changed my brain. I no longer wake up in a panic about it at least. But I don't feel like the same person. I ruminate about it constantly. My event was like a very slow moving train. I had so many opportunities to get out of the way but I kept engaging with it. Daring it to hit me, not believing it would until it did.

I just want the rumination to go away. I'm constantly scanning for threats because I missed so many signs.

I can't live the rest of my life like this. It's too much of a juxtaposition between the confident charismatic man I was and the mental wreck I am now.

My hair has greyed and my face has aged 10 years.