Upset that I won’t feel “normal” love

I sometimes get really depressed over the fact that love doesn’t come easily for me.

I always wish I was that person that misses their partner, feels love and affection and wants to spend time with them, feels excitement and just feels like feelings come easily.

Instead I do try but the most I feel for now is gratitude that my partner doesn’t leave me and gives me the chance to heal. I wonder if it’ll ever change and if I’ll feel more.

I don’t think it’s because of my partner either, the only time I did feel that “lovey-feeling” was with my first ever partner. I remember telling them over and over how much I loved them and now I wonder what I can do to feel it again.

It’s mostly like this, I stop feeling a lot in relationships and wonder what’s “up with me” or if it’s a partner thing. (I never know)

Anyone can relate?