Going to therapy for the first time in a while...tips please....

I'm 29 and diagnosed with Bipolar 1 w/ psychotic features, ocd, bpd, and substance use disorder.

My last therapist whom i had for around a year didn't really give a hoot about me and when I told her that I overdosed on gaba + kratom and almost died, she told me to go out to nature more.

My therapist before that was amazing and I'm seeing her again on Monday bc she takes my insurance now.

I'm just nervous to tell her that I almost died because of people who did me so wrong. I'm nervous to tell her that either I have severe dissociation, or my psychosis episodes are so bad that I get delusional about who I am. I'm nervous to tell her that I think I need EMDR.

I see my psychiatrist the next day and I'm nervous to tell her that I hate zyprexa and I don't want it to anymore, because this is the third antipsychotic i've hated and I struggle with advocating for myself, and in general i've been resistant to medication because a lot of my trauma comes from being controlled but...I need meds...

How do I best prepare to speak up for myself. Am I allowed to list out all my strange psychotic/dissociative experiences and tell them to my therapist? And she can help me?

It's just been so long since I've been helped. I can't remember what to do / what to say. But I know I can't hang on alone much longer.