Avoidant Ex & Alcoholism

Hi friends, I wanted to come on here to maybe rant & hear y’all’s takes on this.

I & my current ex dated for more than 3 years. It was my first real adult relationship. We dated in college into post-grad and moved in together. 2 years into our relationship, I start graduate school and he commissions into the military. Throughout the entirety of our relationship, he was the sweetest & kindest man that I knew and loved. We had so many ‘first’ together and hit so many milestones. After he had graduated and came back, I knew he was different. We’ve always had issues in our relationship but we were able to mend it. Long story short, I’ve never felt fully seen emotionally with him. I get to points where I shut myself off and I don’t tell him how I feel due to the fear of him invalidating my feelings (which he has before). There were times where I would come to him as my safe place and say, “I’m upset about xyz and this exactly how I feel.” I would be met with, “it’s because I’m doing something wrong in the relationship right? I never make you happy. I always make you sad. Maybe this isn’t right.” It’s been a recurring problem because it’s never been properly communicated on. These past months he’s been getting colder, distant, going out more and drinking frequently.

When we finally got to our breaking point, he told me that he stopped loving me at one point. That he felt like he didn’t want to keep trying in our relationship anymore, and he felt like he was always the one “trying to fix our relationship.” He felt that when he went out, he kept looking at other woman, being more aggressive with his words, and “felt happier when he was away from me because he’s been building good habits.” He also told me how he was considering cheating on me.

So we broke up. I fought for our relationship, but I wasn’t gonna beg to stay. Two weeks later, he’s abandoned those “good habits,” throwing himself into his work, going out every other day, drinking heavily and more frequently. All his conversations with his friends are going out and drinking. He’s also drinking and driving.

I don’t know what to do. I know I deserve better & I just can’t envision anything more with him than moving on. But I still do love him & I’m grieving that. I hate seeing him destructive, but ultimately it’s his choice.

It’s getting to the point where his own friends are questioning how much he’s drinking (& they’re in the military too).

Should I tell someone?