It's almost a year.

In 10 days it will be a year, from the last day we shared together. It's been hard to move on from that night. I remember how that date was. You wore a dress and you looked stunning. Even though you don't like wearing dresses, you decided to wear one. At dinner we talked about making plans for a New York trip, plans that would never happen. The show was delightful and you were so happy. The happiest I've seen you. Everything felt real, but I still feared for the morning. I loved you and you were still unsure. You thought my word were not true, as if I was in limerence for you. You've been hurt by so many, you cannot trust someone intentions. I still wish we could have met once more. Talked earnestly of our feelings for each other. I don't want to compare life without you, but you are/were special in my life. No one compares to you. Once you were gone, I had to change as a person. I guard myself from those who want to take advantage. I am fearful of the word love being said. I was anxious, now I'm feeling more avoidant. I know I need to move on, everyone has told me for so long. I had to stop saying your name, because I knew how they would respond. You're never far from my mind and I always wonder what new songs you are listening to, what books you are reading. I hope you are better off, I want your life to thrive. I hope you went back to school, advanced your career and found your own place to call home. I never want to forget you, but I cannot live in heartbreak. I love you and always will.